This is where you say, “wtf??” Yes. Women’s razors. I suppose this requires some backstory…
On July 4th, 2010, I shaved my legs for the first time. I had just run my last race as a pure runner and had my first triathlon in two weeks. It was time.
As an aside, you might say, “Well that’s weird that boys shave their legs for triathlon. Why do they do that?” The answer is… well… there’s really no good reason. 95% of the reasons people give are total and utter bullshit. Here’s why I do it:
- Massages feel a little bit better. Really!
- It’s nominally easier to get a wetsuit off. Nominally.
- If you crash while cycling and IF (big if) all your hair in the area doesn’t come off on the road, it’s much easier to deal with your wounds. But 9 times out of 10, your hair comes off with your skin. That makes sense, right?
- This is the big one and, while most won’t admit it, likely the culprit for most triathletes: we’re vain and your legs look way more jacked when shaved than when not shaved. Want proof? Here:
So now we’ve gotten past the fact that I do in fact shave my legs. When I started (way back in 2010), I did my due diligence and read up on the best razor to use and, um, how to use it appropriately. [Here’s a totally embarrassing fact: Googling tips on shaving your legs is how I got started reading stripper blogs. It all started with a post from Sarah Tressler, though her blog has since been turned into a book, so you have to buy the book to get the tips. Anyway, stripper blogs are clever, well-written, and funny most of the time. And I ended up finding out that they existed in the least masculine way possible! I highly recommend reading some.]
ANYWAY, I read up on the best razor to use. It seemed like a lot of folks out there in the tubes say men’s razors worked sufficiently well and, what’d you know, I happen to have both a 5-blade model and a 3-blade model sitting around! I read that 5-blades typically dried out the skin pretty bad, but I don’t take the Internet’s word for anything, so I had to try it myself. Yup, 5 blades was two too many. I used my 3-blade Mach 3 Turbo and was on my merry way. For almost 3 years.
Fast forward to last weekend. I’m sitting in a hot tub with a three teammates and our assistant coach/former teammate. With five triathletes, three of which are male, two of which are former very-competitive cyclists or swimmers (you know, the weird, shaving sports), the topic obviously turned to male leg shaving. It turns out our assistant coach, who is quite an accomplished cyclist and has shaved his legs for 7 years (though recently stopped!), claims that you have to use women’s razors. They last longer and, get this, they work better. You mean to tell me that razors meant to use on a leg are different than razors meant to use on a face?! [Ugh, hindsight.] I ask him which model he uses…
“I use Venus because it rhymes with penis,” says our wise assistant coach. Well that makes sense to me. I’m sold.
I turn to the Internet to verify that, in fact, Venus is the best. Yes, says the Internet. Use the Venus Embrace.
Off to CVS.
“One Venus Embrace, please,” I say to the girl working the counter.* Oh, that’s not how this works? I guess I’ll wander the aisles for 10 minutes trying to figure out where women’s razors are. There’s a men’s shaving section but no women’s. Where the hell are these razors?! Oh there they are.
Crap. Pink or Green? AH SO MANY CHOICES. Wait, pink costs $1.50 extra??? Sorry Breast Cancer, my experimenting with razors means you get the short end of the stick today. Green it is!
Run home. Shave my legs.
And holy shit. It’s like the first time you sit in First Class after a lifetime of Coach air travel. It’s easier. It’s faster. It’s smoother. I think it’s physically impossible to nick yourself. Did I mention it’s way the hell faster?!
IT’S JUST WAY FREAKING BETTER.
If you are a guy and you shave your legs, go spend the money on a Venus Embrace**. It’s without a doubt worth the cash. If you are a guy and you don’t shave your legs, sorry my legs look better than yours. Sucker.
*I didn’t actually say this.
**It’s the best a man can get. Ugh, I hate myself.
[Editor’s Note: After re-reading, this is a really weird post. Triathletes are strange.]